Every Child was a Poet; and I’m sinful ’cause I’ve forgotten Virginia Woolf

How have we become so banal, as grown-ups?

Remember when each everyone of us, was a poet?

We wrote about the crystal tinkling winters in Ashburnham,
with the words that sounded so foreign that we pretend to comprehend,
the heavenly velvet colors of our thoughts that we tried so hard to bend,
but eventually slipped between the lines where thoughts transcend?

The stories etched on paper, inked with care,
In the warmth of memories still hanging there.

Remember when each everyone of us, writes poems?

We wrote about redemption, friendship and love
’bout being so far away from home,
even the wooden chair in the English building knows
how our quietly whispered thoughts composed (…better than our parents!)
Through discursive self-expressive rhymes, distilling who we are,
in that language that was so unnatural but yet became so natural to our tongues?

I’m still so moved by this language till today,
how it resonates with the drumbeats in my heart,
the way it reminds me of Caddy, Dalloway, Scout;
the yellow wallpaper and the white elephant hills…
they so vividly lived,
filled my dreams and shaped who I became.

How have we stopped hosting poetry nights, now just because we settled for rites?

月光下的 V8

在高中后两年的日子,我特别喜欢去图书馆呆着,尤其是当乌云密布在秋衣正浓却满是绿意的 adams field 上,我坐在巨大无比的落地窗前那个独个儿座椅上。我喜欢把那个侧门开着,任风将落叶扫进室内;要是 Ash 村正磅礴大雨那更是甚好,任雨点夹杂着泥土香气飘进,伴奏着我一个又一个不转过身的下午。

只要冬雪融化,我们图书馆前的铁桌子椅子就会被搬出来。我可能是全校唯一一个在那里日日搞作业的人。三桌儿还是四桌儿,我记不太清了,密密红砖中,我四仰八叉,纸和头发在风中凌乱。是我,总是我,还是我,那就是我的天地;除了我,半个人影都没有。

我好像也从来没有在意过从 gym yoga room 的落地窗那里能不能看到那地儿,毕竟那块是个大平地,我想晚上在灯光下坐在那里的人可能还比较容易被发现。总之我是常常去那个地方,除了后山 cemetery,那里便是我的 horizon – 在无数个月色不好或正好的周五周六夜晚,我兜里揣上三、四罐 V8, 去那里躺尸。

在月下可以念书,可以听蝉声,还可以就那样翘着脚坐着,咂 V8。V8 是个什么味儿呢?我觉得是好似令人如痴如醉的冷掉罗宋汤的味道。罗宋汤味不用解释,就问酒味是 tm 怎么喝出来的 —— 就是那薄厚刚好的铝罐! 不得了的,真的不得了的,在那样买醉犯法的年龄,手里能拿一个慷慨激昂的罐子,猛灌几口,酒精味也就出来了。

那里虽说挨着草地,却好似没有什么咬人的虫子。不过若非好天气,咱经常还是严严实实的,也咬不着。在那里睡一觉也是舒服的,毕竟诺大的世界就像只有你和你头上的灯光,世界都是你的。

我那些年的 agency 就是在那样的日子里,从地里舒展着长出来的,因为那样空旷和亲密的平衡,那样的空间,那样的自由,是我至今人格里、坦荡的最深处,闭眼就能浮现的归宿。

童年碎片

此段于二零一七年十一月二一日在笔者微博第二次发表,具体创作时间无从考究(大致猜测作于一六年前后)。笔者对当时混乱的语法做出了相应的微调。

当时自己想的可能是生活怎么过才快乐,内心对此的寻找与尝试也从未停歇。用水粉颜料加水浸染边角不齐的发黄白布条,给每一片编上号,给颜色取名字:夏雨,秋风…… 夏天黏糊糊的黑白键总是放在电视机旁边,坐在琴前的眼睛也总是偷瞟着孙悟空怎么救师傅。院里的知了大概也曾叫过,睡着后的她也许也因为它们的吵闹烦躁过,踢踢被子。但像每一个在夏天的后半夜凉快过的地方,月亮不再被云层遮住,小城安安详详,不慌不忙;小院内微风拂过,月光照进的窗子里边孩子与姥姥无忧无虑地熟睡着。